The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

It's like kids can just smell us relaxing.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) May 9, 2017

If you're not sure about having kids, have someone say "Mom!" 100 times before 7am & see if it's right for you.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 8, 2017

Have a second child, so you can do things different this time around and still manage to do everything wrong.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 8, 2017

If any good can come from stepping on sharp toys every day, it'll be the look on everyone's face when I walk on hot coals without flinching.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) May 10, 2017

Took the 4 year old to the playground; we stayed for 45 minutes & 1,253 "Yes, I'm watching!"s long.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 10, 2017

2 years ago, as my kid and I were leaving the grocery store, she yelled "WE FORGOT TO BUY MY CIGARETTES!" and I still think about that.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) May 9, 2017

"Sure, sweetie. [sigh] It's not like I'm in the middle of anything."

-parents who are in the middle of everything

— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) May 9, 2017

If anyone has a solid 3 hours on their hands, my 6 year old has a story about Pikachu he'll tell to anyone who is willing to listen.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 7, 2017

Nothing is as predictable as our 5yo wanting what she didn't want 2 minutes ago 2 minutes after I have sat down to do something else.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) May 8, 2017

Hang on, kids, I'm telling everyone on Facebook how many lunges I did and how many grams of Omega 3 are in this smoothie.

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) May 10, 2017

That moment when both the kids wake up at 3 am on as Saturday morning... http://pic.twitter.com/2C6cjYmIFw

— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) May 6, 2017

5yo: I'm not going to have a job.
Me: Where are you going to get money?
5yo: The ATM

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) May 9, 2017

Do you love being ignored?
Is constantly repeating yourself your jam?
Do you enjoy arriving late?

If so, parenting may be right for you

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 8, 2017

All I want for Mother's Day is to no longer have the soundtrack to "moana" playing on repeat in my head

— Emily Peck (@EmilyRPeck) May 8, 2017

10yo: I came up with a trick for multiplying any number by 999 in my head.

Also 10yo: Folding towels is haaaaaard!

— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) May 8, 2017

Me: Did you have a good day at school?

6-year-old: That's not how school works.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2017

Not to brag but my kid holds the record for most consecutive screaming on a five hour plane ride to Hawaii. Welcome to paradise.

— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) May 9, 2017

I love doing crafts with my kids!

Theoretically

— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) May 8, 2017

Hi. I'm Dad. You may know me from "Because I Said So!," "Turn Off The Light/Shut The Door!" and the classic "Only Daddy Can Use That Word!"

— I Would Meh 4 U (@TheAlexNevil) May 10, 2017

Pretty sure the Mesozoic Era was shorter than the time it's taking my son to poop in this Trader Joe's restroom.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 10, 2017

My version of headphones is having a forty pound child on my shoulders who's singing about fish.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) May 10, 2017

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://ift.tt/2r8hEDK
via IFTTT