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Showing posts with label The GentleManual | A Handbook for Modern Gentlemen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The GentleManual | A Handbook for Modern Gentlemen. Show all posts

Friday, 22 September 2017

7 Next-Level Dopp Kit Upgrades

I f you only get your toiletries from the local grocery store, you’re at the whim of big corporations with limited shelf-space and no real incentive to innovate. The truth is that there are a ton of superior options out there. We’re taking you off the beaten path to introduce you to a few of our favorite Dopp kit upgrades. These are products that not only out-perform the leaders in their class, they also look a hell of a lot sexier too.

This is not a sponsored post, these are real products that we really use and love.

Quip Electronic Toothbrush

silver-quip-toothbrush

Smaller and sleeker than other electronic models on the market, the quip toothbrush is perfect for avid travelers. Don’t worry lugging around a bulky charger, Quip is powered by a single AAA battery. You also won’t have to worry about picking up replacement heads. Their refill plan has them sent to your home every couple of months so you’ll always have your toothbrush working at maximum efficacy. If you appreciate great design and a practical product, this is the toothbrush you’ve been longing for.

Marvis Toothpaste

marvis-toothpaste-in-ginger-mint

Goodbye boring toothpaste. Hello Marvis. The understated vintage packaging was what first caught our eye, but the unique flavors were what really sealed the deal. Our current favorite flavor is Ginger Mint, but if you’re feeling adventurous, we recommend the Amarelli Licorice or Jasmine Mint. This imported Italian toothpaste may cost a bit more than your standard fare, but if you’re anything like us, you’ll find it well worth the extra pocket change.

Baxter Facial Scrub

baxter-facial-scrub

Introducing a weekly exfoliator into your grooming routine will help keep your skin looking its best. For our money, we’re going with Baxter of California’s Facial Scrub. Baxter has been in the skincare game since 1965, and they know men’s grooming. This cleanser has an intoxicating cherry almond scent and just the right about of grit. It will leave your skin feeling renewed but not raw. The minimal, sophisticated packaging says it all — what you see is what you get.

Harry’s Shave Kit

harrys-razor-and-shaving-kit

Finally — cartridge razors that don’t look like they were created by an ancient alien civilization (Transformers VI: Revenge of the Moustache?). No futuristic handle. No fake technology. Just sleek, well-balanced handles and blades that deliver a reliably close shave. We also appreciate their smartly-designed razor cover and replacement-blade pack. No more worrying about cutting yourself when you dig around inside your toiletry bag. To top it all off, Harry’s delivers replacement blades straight to your door for less than the cost of traditional cartridge razors. Bravo Harry’s.

Billy Jealousy After-Shave

billy-jealousy-aftershave-in-shaved-ice

Billy Jealousy’s Shaved Ice after-shave has racked up a mountain of accolades over the past few years. Believe the hype. This after-shave delivers a powerful icy-cool rush and a subtle yet refreshing scent that will leave you feeling like you’ve dipped your face into a glacial Arctic pond. Results? Smooth, irritation-free skin. Simple as that.

Brickell Face Moisturizer

brickell-mens-face-moisturizer

The lightweight formula of Brickell’s face moisturizer will alleviate your dry skin woes without leaving you feeling oily. It has a slightly rugged smell which is perfectly complemented by its rugged (but not kitschy) branding. Twice daily use is all you need to keep your skin happy and hydrated. Do your face a favor and introduce this into your lineup now.

Brio Beardscape

brio-beadscape-electric-shaver-attachements

Last but definitely not least on our gotta-have-it list is Brio’s new trimmer. The Beardscape can handle any manscaping task from your head to your toes, and everywhere in between. We use it to achieve a perfect 5 o’clock shadow. Versatility, incredible battery life, tank-like construction — what can we say, we’re fans.

The Not-So-Final Word

dopp-kit-with-toiletries

The products a man puts into his grooming routine should be as personal as the grooming routine itself. If you only settle for what’s right in front of your eyes, there’s roughly zero chance you’ll find the best the world has on offer. We’ve shared a few of our favorites to get you started down the path to Dopp kit nirvana, the rest is up to you.

What are your favorite less-common toiletries? Let us know in the comments. Cheers!

The post 7 Next-Level Dopp Kit Upgrades appeared first on The GentleManual | A Handbook for Modern Gentlemen.



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Monday, 18 September 2017

What Tie Width Should I Wear?

A no-nonsense guide to choosing the right tie width

blue-ties

We know the struggle. Trends change. Style norms shift. As frustrating as it may be, tie width is no exception. For the modern man who wants to stay on-trend, it’s important to move with the ebbs and flows of the fashion tide. But don’t worry, we’re here to keep your head above the proverbial waters.

 

So what tie width is currently in style? Here’s the simple answer: Any width between 2.25” and 3.25”.

 

This is the safe zone. Any wider or narrower and you’re at risk of looking like you’re living in the past (or the future?). With that in mind, there are a few considerations to be made when deciding what width is right for you.

 

CONSIDER YOUR BODY TYPE

black-and-white-man-in-tie

Slim / Skinny Men
We recommend — 2.25”- 2.75”

Men with small chests and narrow torsos should wear narrower-width ties. Why? A wide tie on a skinny guy will look a lot wider than it would on a man of significant girth. For this reason, we recommend seeking out ties between 2.25” and 2.75”.

 

While it’s a bit more daring, a 2.0” tie can also look great on slender gent—just bear in mind that it may look a bit retro to some, and a bit “hipster” to others.

 

Average / Athletic Men
We recommend — 2.25”- 3.25”

If you’re an average guy with an average to athletic build, the world is your oyster. Feel free to wear any tie from our recommended range of 2.25” to 3.25”. Exactly what you end up choosing comes down to personal taste. Wider ties tend to have a conservative, classic appeal. In contrast, narrower ties exude a youthful, trendy charm.

 

Broad / Large Men
We recommend — 2.75”- 3.25”

Wider guys require wider ties. If you’ve got the chest of a professional bodybuilder or the belly of a sumo wrestler, super skinny ties can look a bit comical on your substantial frame.

 

We recommend selecting a tie that is between 2.75” and 3.25” in width. It’s possible to wear a tie as wide as 3.5” but anything wider has the risk of looking like you raided Grandad’s closet. That doesn’t mean you should toss your extra-wide ties in the trash. Push them to the back of your wardrobe for now—chances are they’ll be back in vogue in a few short years.

 

CONSIDER YOUR LAPEL WIDTH

three-men-in-suits-match-tie-width-and-lapel-width

Lapels are the folded flaps of cloth on the front of a jacket or coat. And like the waxing and waning width of the necktie, so goes the ever-evolving suit lapel.

 

Why does lapel width matter? Because a man should always attempt to match the width of his tie to the width of his lapel. Wearing a wide tie with narrow lapels or a narrow tie with wide lapels can throw your body proportions off-kilter. That’s not a good thing.

 

Fashion designers are a restless bunch, pushing us forward into unexplored territory, pulling us back toward styles of the past, and bucking the trends of the day. The recent shift away from narrow lapels and the resurgence of wider lapels are great examples of this phenomenon. The point is, when you get a new suit, you may need to adjust your tie collection to match.

 

PRO TIP: Don’t wear super-skinny ties with a double-breasted jacket regardless of your lapel width.

 

EDUCATE YOURSELF & EXPERIMENT

skinny-tie-standard-tie-wide-tie-stacked

No tie is perfect for every man, at every hour, and in every situation.The width you choose should be something that you’re comfortable and confident wearing. Thanks to the ease of online shopping, there is no good excuse not to educate yourself and experiment. Any width tie you desire is but a few clicks away. (Did someone say free shipping and returns?)

 

NOTE: It’s inevitable that tie width trends will continue to shift over time. As such, we’ll be keeping this article updated regularly. If you sense a disturbance in the necktie force, check back for updates on the current zeitgeist.

 

And remember…

 

yoda-tie-meme

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Wednesday, 13 September 2017

Styling Knit Ties: The Right Knots, The Right Shirts, And The Art Of Being Square

knitted ties

 

Knit ties have been around since the 1920s, and are generally made of silk, wool, cotton, a combination of these, or a blend of natural and acrylic fibers. Knit ties (sometimes called “knitted ties”) are rectilinear, and most have a squared-off bottom. They can be worn year-round, in all seasons, and in all climes. Styling knit ties isn’t difficult, and you can pair them with anything you now have hanging in your closet. If you don’t have any, consider scoring a few. Knit ties are fun to play with as they allow for both classic and contemporary styling. They’re subtle yet commanding, comfortable around the collar, and an easy way to upsell smart-casual. 

 

Here are a few things you may wish to consider when wearing a knit tie, or when preparing to add some knitted ties to your collection.

 

 

The Texture Of The Knitted Tie: Its Implications

 

Most knit ties present a conspicuous texture. Textures that present visually as “tactile” generally suggest a more casual look, and knitted ties are most appropriate for smart ensembles you wish to read as non-intimidating and relaxed

 

 

The Shirt & The Collar

 

The Texture of the Shirt

Whatever the knitted tie is made of, there is a consensus that the knit tie is intrinsically less formal than standard neckties. Dress shirts of fine fibers (which present a smooth, sheer look) might be the least appropriate textural backdrop for a knit tie. We say “might be,” because this consideration depends on a few factors, not in the least the tie in question. A 100% silk knit tie which does not present aggressively as textured, tactile, or fuzzy might work well with a fine dress shirt, whereas a wool knit tie which presents with the texture of a pullover sweater might not.

 

TIP: All things being equal, there should be some parity between the texture of the shirt and the texture of the knitted tie. Low-texture shirt, low-texture knit tie; high-texture shirt, higher-texture knit tie. A high-texture knitted tie on a low-texture shirt is better than a low-texture tie on a high-texture shirt.

 

knit ties

 

 

Pure silk knit ties are smoother than other knit ties, as they lack the knap of wool or cotton knitted ties. They work very well with linen shirts of all colors, and 100% silk knit ties are the knitted tie to pair with dress shirts having higher thread-counts. A knitted tie generally looks its best with a lightly textured shirt, and colored shirts are good backgrounds for knitted ties with medium to strong textures. Silk-blend knitted ties work well with less-fine cotton, chambray, and fine wool shirts. Light- and medium-weight denim receive cotton and wool knitted ties beautifully. Shirts with checks, tartans, and stripes are excellent backgrounds for solid color knit ties of any material. Where the colors are not painfully antagonistic, striped knit ties can be worn to great effect over chalk-stripe shirts.

 

The Knot

Because a knitted tie is softer, their knots will tie tighter and therefore smaller. We recommend a four-in-hand knot for knit ties, but experiment: knitted ties are super flexible, and getting the knot right the first time around can be a slight (but not a massive) challenge. Another knot to consider is the Prince Albert, which results in an almost tubular knot. Tied well, a Prince Albert knot presents a unique juxtaposition of shapes: triangular collar, tubular knot, square-body necktie.

 

Know your knots, know your collars.

 

The Collar

Given that your knit tie will leave you with a smaller, tighter knot, it is perhaps best to avoid cutaway and full-spread collars. Knitted ties will look their best with button-down collars, tab collars, and forward-point collars. They can be worn to great effect with club collars, too.

 

TIP: A knit tie can be tied slightly shorter than a conventional tie. A conventional necktie should hang somewhere between the center of the belt buckle and the top of it. The range for a knit tie is between the center of the belt buckle and up to 1-1/2″ or so above it. One reason for this is the square bottom of the knit tie: because it presents a horizontal line parallel to the top of the belt buckle, it “reads” with the waistband differently than a necktie with a pointed end.

 

 

Suits & Jackets

It would not be inappropriate to wear a knit tie with a suit, but we refer again to the matter of texture. If the suit presents a very low-profile texture (it’s smooth to the touch), then you are probably wearing it with a low-profile texture shirt, and thus a low-profile texture necktie. Some silk and silk-blend knit ties will work just fine with smooth-finish textiles, especially when the ties are black or navy blue: both stripes and lighter colors accentuate the tie’s texture. The charms of knit ties are generally not well-served by double-breasted jackets or jackets with peak lapels, however, and attempting to style a knit tie with a pinstripe business suit might be a fool’s errand.

 

Is it a blazer or a sportcoat? Know the difference.

 

Knitted ties are appropriate for suits which present stronger textures, but because they are regarded as a less formal necktie they will wear best with wool, tweed, twill, or corduroy sportcoats and appropriately-coordinated trousers. With a denim or suede sportcoat, a knit tie with high-profile texture can be divine.

 

 

 

Cardigans & V-Neck Sweaters

 

Some say that the knit tie is at its very best when peeking over the top of a V-neck sweater or hanging between the panels of a cardigan. This is because there is a high degree of textural parity between sweaters and knitted ties. It is for similar reasons that wool knit ties often look their best in cooler seasons and northern latitudes: knitted ties with a strong knap are subtle allusions to sweaters, scarves, and textiles associated with keeping warm.

 

 

 

Stripes & Patterns: Getting The Knot Right

 

knit ties

Patterned and striped knit ties are beautiful things. When the colors of the tie and the shirt (etc.) are not painfully at variance with each other, experiment with otherwise counter-intuitive combinations. What you will wish to attend to, though, is how the stripe or pattern presents at the knot. If the tie has stripes, the ideal knot will have the stripe front-and-center. If the tie has a pattern, the knot should accommodate the pattern in some way that shows your attention to detail.

 

 

Tie Bars & The Knit Tie

 

There’s no hard-and-fast rule regarding styles of tie bar and knit ties, but here’s our advice: keep it simple. The texture, shape, and square-bottom knit tie bring a lot to the upper-half of a man’s ensemble, and make for a very distinct look. Depending on what else is going on with the ensemble, a simple tie bar is more than sufficient with solid-color knitted ties. We would not recommend a themed/novelty tie bar for monochrome knit ties, and we recommend against tie bars for knit ties with stripes or patterns.

 

 

Is There A Wrong Time Or Place For Knitted Ties?

 

Not really. There are better and worse ways to style knit ties, but there is probably no wrong occasion for them. If a professional engagement or event requires you to wear a suit, then the style of the most appropriate suit for that context will dictate whether a knitted tie is the right or the best tie to wear. The dress code determines the type of suit, the suit bears upon the choice of shirt, and suit and shirt together (and not the dress code itself) constrain your necktie options. This applies to all ties and not to knitted ties only.

 

knit ties

 

Where dress code isn’t a factor, enjoy experimenting with knit ties. If you’re in staid, safe, by-the-numbers professional attire and you swap-out your necktie or bow tie for a knit tie, you’ll thereby sap some of the rigidity out of your ensemble. That could be a stroke of genius — or a mistake. Adding a knit tie to an otherwise tie-free casual ensemble doesn’t necessarily make one’s costume less casual; it just makes it casual in a different and perhaps more interesting way.

 

One word further. A man’s standard-width “power tie” presents like a breastplate, and reads as an emblem of authority. We sometimes wear certain neckties for just that reason, and sport them knowing full well their visual potency. Knitted ties are different. Tied right and worn well, knit ties welcome eyes to it and invite people into the spirit of the ensemble. Knit ties are the nice guy tie, and for generations they’ve been associated with the easygoing, the studious, and the introvert who’s worth getting to know better.

 

Get squared-away with knitted ties now.

The post Styling Knit Ties: The Right Knots, The Right Shirts, And The Art Of Being Square appeared first on The GentleManual | A Handbook for Modern Gentlemen.



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Friday, 8 September 2017

Affordable Footwear for Fall: Six Suede Boots For Smallish Money

 

Suede is and has long been a top choice for men’s Fall footwear. Suede presents a softer texture than tanned top-grain, and this might be one of the reasons why suede intuitively feels like the right material for the season in which the sun’s rays get blunter and leaves change color. If leather sometimes shouts, suede generally whispers — which is why suede appeals to the gentler man. As for suede boots, they need neither introduction nor justification. They’re light-weight, comfortable, easy to coordinate, and align with changes in temperature and key seasonal adjustments to a man’s wardrobe. When Summer retreats, suede boots step-up and stride into the character of Autumn. Suede boots can be pricey, but here are six simple styles and affordable options for men looking to get some wholesome hide on their hooves without gutting their piggy bank. 

 

 

Highline by Steve Madden: $100

 

steve madden suede chelsea boots

 

This classic Chelsea boot in sand was made to carry your blue jeans into Autumn with a touch of European refinement. Sand is a great color for the sunniest of Autumn days, but there is a downside: this very light tan doesn’t work well with khakis. (With casual attire it is rarely a good idea for a man’s lower half to match his shoes too exactly.) Enjoy the Highlines while they’re new, because unless you baby these booties they’re not going to remain bright and blonde for long. But no worries. The grubbier they get, they more forgiving the color-parity with khakis and lighter trousers generally. Weatherproofing will result in a slight darkening, too, and that might not be a bad thing. Wear them often, wear them hard. If you can own one pair of suede boots only, go with a simple Chelsea boot.

 

 

 

Abner by Stacy Adams: $99

 

stacey adams mens suede chelsea boots

stacey adams mens suede chelsea boots

 

The cap-toe Abner has subtle broguing running up the shaft and on the toe. The rusty, nearly pumpkiny shade of tan Stacy Adams chose for their Abner is much warmer than Steve Madden’s sand, so wearing these with khaki chinos wouldn’t be a disaster. Where they’ll really command attention, though, is with mid-range gray or olive Merino wool trousers. If you look closely at the details of both the Highline and the Abner (the construction of the sole; how the vamp meets the side-panel; the height of the heel-tab), you’ll see that the Abner is distinctly and not just incidentally dressier. These details mean that the Abner will raise the profile of denim jeans, corduroy, and moleskin trousers. In blue suede, the Abner is a bit Byronesque — a nod to New Romantics and Mods, and a different animal altogether from the tan. Whether blue suede Chelsea boots are a wild or domesticated animal depends on you.

 

 

 

Wahoo Chelsea by Sperry: $75

 

sperry wahoo suede boots

 

 

Billing the Wahoo as a Chelsea boot is like calling a kayak a canoe or a Vespa a Harley. The Wahoo is Chelsea-ish on account of its structural details (whole-cut vamp, gusset, etc.), but the Sperry Wahoo is more of a high-top deck shoe than a Chelsea boot. Roll-up you chinos, pull-on a meaty sweatshirt, and grab a smart ballcap. If your goal is to hang loose and be active, this is the boot for you. But if the Sperry Wahoo leads you to thoughts of topsides and sea squalls, forget suede. The Gus by Tretorn (below) costs around $100 and wades into wetness where rawhide fears to tread.

 

 

mens tretorn gus

NOT SUEDE: 100% waterproof natural rubber.

 

 

Learn More About Chelsea Boots.

 

 

 

Galloway Plain Toe Chukka Boot by Nunn Bush: $64

 

nunn bush men's suede chukka boots

 

 

If you don’t already own a Chukka boot, this might be the pair with which to start. The rich chocolate brown goes with trousers of practically any color (except black), and there’s no casual or smart-casual ensemble that’s worse-off for Chukkas.

 

What’s The Difference Between Chukkas And Desert Boots?

 

 

 

Urban Rambler by Ariat: $119

 

ariat rambler mens boots

 

Whatever you’ve read or been told, there’s nothing wrong with the square-toe as such, and these understated but tough-looking boots show clearly where the square-toe works. If it’s not the toe but the very idea of Western boots that is immediately repellant to you, then think of these as “American Wellingtons.” Whatever you call them, these will best suit men who prefer loose- or wide-fitting trousers and who have strong intuitions about how best to upstyle blue collar duds. If you’ve got the sartorial insight and the confidence, you can certainly bring street-smart style to these raw, rugged shitkickers; but if you’re not ready to take them out into civilization, try them as your go-to weekend workwear shoes. You’ll be the sharpest tool in the shed when raking leaves, doing lawn and garden work, visiting the farmers’ market, and talking property maintenance with the boys. Pair it with a blazer from the Orvis collection.

 

 

 

Wallabee Boot by Clarks: $140

 

mens clarks suede wallabee boots

 

The Wallabee was launched by Clarks in 1967, and the fact that it remains in production fifty years on is your assurance that this oddball boot must have something going for it. Available in a few different colors and in leather, the Wallabee might be the most famous of all the I don’t give a damn shoes. It is surely a contender for the most comfortable. Strictly for casual outfits, the Wallabee goes with everything because it is too bloody ugly to go with anything — except perhaps for faded ratty jeans, a Baja shirt, and pair of glazed-over eyes. (Acrid smell of burning hemp or patchouli oil is optional.) Apart from being a tribute to Haight-Ashbury, the singular charm of Wallabees is their irony: because they are uber-comfy, hard-wearing boots, you know you should have a pair; but because they are so freakishly bland and goofy, it takes guts to wear them in public. Think of them as the straight-edge razor of men’s shoes: ownership is a rite of passage, use takes courage, and you might admire them more than actually use them. But however they look on the screen, in the box, or on your feet, they are great to drive in, super for pedaling a bike, and feel fabulous walking on everything from cobblestones to sand. Surrender. You’ll love them.   

 

 

Keep Your Tongue Out Of Your Throat: Shoe Anatomy Made Simple 

 

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Tuesday, 22 August 2017

WHAT TO TAKE TO UNIVERSITY

Essentials For Campus. Essentials For Life.

 

For the college-bound, there’s no shortage of advice out there about what to buy, what to bring, what to pack, and how to pack it. These lists use the phrase “bring to college” in the narrow sense, the sense that implies boxes and bags, totes and Tupperware, containers and cargo. Some of these shortlists are aligned with the interests of specific merchants of goods and services. For your convenience, of course. 

 

That’s not what we’re talking about in this article. We’re talking about the sorts of things you can’t tie-up with string or tie-down with bungee cords. We’re addressing the ties that bind you to higher ideals. If you’re not heading off to university, forward this to someone who is embarking. You might wish to have a read anyway.

 

bring purpose to college

 

Purpose

The Latin phrase sine qua non means “without which not,” and it’s a fancy way of saying indispensable. Your sense of purpose is the sine qua non of your success at college and in life generally. It’s the most important thing to bring, and the one thing you’d damned well better have with you. Your sense of purpose should be reducible to a single sentence:

 

My purpose is to outgrow inferior versions of myself, and to cultivate better versions of myself.

 

There are four key concepts here: growth, cultivation, activity, and what is captured by the word “versions.”

 

The years you invest in higher-studies will be years of transition and transformation. Change is inevitable, but you should have a hand in that change. That’s where the activity of cultivation comes in.

 

Here’s a simple analogy. If one is trying to lose weight or to develop muscle mass or definition (etc.), the changes which are part of the process of being slimmer, getting stronger or more toned, are realized in large part through intentional activity. The changes happen gradually (and perhaps more slowly than we wish), and they “happen to” us, but they don’t just happen. We make them happen. We are active in cultivating the result.

 

The word “versions” matters too. There is a version of you that exists before you set-off for college. Compared with the version of you that entered high school, this “you” is both older, and in some respects an improvement. The version of you who will be looking back upon freshman year should be an older and improved version of the person looking ahead to it.

 

If your medium-term goals include being a college graduate who is attractive to employers, then your purpose is to be active in those changes which will get you through to graduation and into the profession at which you are aiming. If your goal is to leave college four (or so) years later as a better-informed, more mature, and more worldly version of your current self, then your daily task is to be mindful of whether your actions and choices consistent with your purpose, and whether they are are leading you to that goal.

 

Clarity of purpose keeps you focused on the importance of mission-success.  

 

Books are written about this subject, and we can’t cover everything in 2500 words or less. The point is to know your goals, and distinguish your goals (which might be multiple) from your purpose (which is singular).

 

 

bring self-respect to college

 

Self-Respect

One could distinguish between self-respect and self-worth (and self-esteem, etc.), and sometimes these distinctions are useful. We’ll risk oversimplification and treat them as synonymous.

 

The reason you should have and should know clearly your purpose is because you respect yourself enough to have a purpose. Whatever else “self-respect” is, it is a commitment to your overarching purpose: thoughtful, ongoing self-cultivation. One ought not to be as a cork bobbing on the sea — rising here, falling there, rolling off the crest of each wave, responding and reacting to circumstances, drifting, being acted-upon.  This is incompatible with a sense of purpose. One cannot have a sense of purpose without having a sense of self-respect; and if you do not have a clear sense of the former, it may be that you lack a clear sense of the latter.

 

Value who you are. Value what you will be. But above all, value yourself as the agent responsible for the changes that will make you who you intend to be.

 

bring patient to college

 

Lot’s of well-intentioned fuss is made these days about empathy. This is a very contemporary conception, and it is no real improvement upon classical conceptions of compassion. Whether you call it empathy or compassion, both respect-for-self and respect-for-others demand patience.

 

We each have our flaws, and we’re all fragile in our own way. If you have self-respect, you will be engaged in crafting a better version of yourself. Craftsmanship requires patience. If you have compassion for others, it is because you acknowledge your own limitations and imperfections. Patience is the linchpin: you accept yourself as an imperfect work-in-progress; you acknowledge that cultivated-changes and improvements take time; and so you know you need to have patience.

 

Being patient and mindful of the difficulty of maintaining your own sense of purpose, you will find it easier to be patient with others. If you have patience with others, it will be easier to cultivate and maintain an expansive sense of compassion. It all comes full-circle.

 

If you have patience with yourself, it will be easier to sustain self-respect.

 

Fun fact: the Chinese word into which we translate the English word ‘time’ is shijian (时间). The first of the two characters (时 shi) consists of two parts. The left-hand side is the character for “day” (ri 日), and the right-hand side is the character for “to measure” (cun 寸).  When “day-measure” is added to jian (间), what is communicated is something like “the space between moments.” Some have contended that the Western concept of “time” doesn’t easily map onto the Chinese language.

 

essentials to bring to college

CHANGE: “… Chinese thought, having a greater sense of the fluidity of life, provides a more flexible way of understanding everyday transformations…” GoodReads

 

Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes — these are all abstractions which help us to reckon the space between moments. Give time to time. Be active in cultivating patience.

 

Patience nourishes compassion.

 

bring courage to college

Courage

Courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage is knowledge of when to be afraid. Courage resides in an informed, seasoned sense of what’s really dangerous as opposed to what seems dangerous.

 

If you have self-respect, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of compassion, then you will have limits — clear boundaries you will not trespass. There are things you will not do because they are clearly harmful to yourself or to others, or are inimical to your overarching purpose. But when there is no hazard to others, no grave danger to oneself, and no violation of your established principles, experiment.

 

Choose your mistakes wisely.

 

bring judgment to college

Judgment

Yes. That’s what we said. It is a great tragedy that justified concern about hate and bigotry has resulted in a repurposing of the verb discriminate and the noun prejudice; but it is absurd that “judgment” and “judging” are now talked about as bad things.  We could dodge the inevitable bullets of criticism simply by skirting this semantic minefield and by using the word ‘distinguish,’ but now is as good a time as any to urge the rehabilitation of the proper conceptions of discrimination, prejudice, and judgment.

 

Discern and discriminate. Rejection does not require condemnation.

 

Distinguish between persons who will be allies to you both on your missions and with respect to your overarching purpose. Discern which mistakes will be least difficult to recover from, but do not fear mistakes: error is the most valuable corrective to the limits of our knowledge and experience. Discriminate between true and apparent value, and cultivate a strong prejudice against those things which lack true value. Distinguish between the frightening and the scary. Work to develop a prejudice against shortcuts, the easy and the painless, and those things which are valued only because they are popular and trending. Learn to discriminate between sense and nonsense, and strive to develop a prejudice against the latter.

 

Be judgmental. The human intellect exists for judgment, and not data-processing or information-parsing. To judge is to assess. Assess what is good for or bad for oneself, helpful or inimical to one’s purpose, nourishing or detrimental to one’s self-respect, health, and well-being. Do not confuse being judgmental with being impatient, uncharitable, rude, abrasive, unfriendly, or unfeeling. Compassion requires judgment: this person needs assistance, this person deserves lots of patience, this person will benefit from a kind word or friendly gesture. If one is not judgmental, one cannot be compassionate. If one cannot be discerning and discriminating, and cannot cultivate useful prejudices, one cannot sustain and nourish one’s sense of purpose.

 

Assess, evaluate, and judge — just don’t be an asshole about it.

 

bring a sense of timeliness to college

 

We started this list with a Latin phrase (sine qua non), and we’re ending it with a Greek word: kairos (καιροσ). This is one of two Greek words for “time,” the other being kronos (κρονοσ). Kronos gives us the words chronology and chronological, and it refers to “time” as a divisible, measurable entity. That’s why pricey wristwatches are sometimes billed as chronometers — they are time-measurers. Another fun fact: the Greek metron (μετρον) – as in ‘meter’ and referring to measurement – is very similar to the Chinese term for measurement (cun 寸), which looks like a carpenter’s square with a single pencil mark.  

 

Kairos, on the other hand, means something like “seasonable” or “timely,” in the sense of it is the right time to do X and it is not the best time to do Y. This matters because the question Should I? often requires an answer that refers to the seasonableness or timeliness of the act in question. For example: it is one thing to praise courage, it is another thing to know when one should accept a hazard; it is good to be compassionate, but it is not always easy to know when (or how best) to show compassion. The phrase kairological sensitivity might not exist anywhere else on Earth except this article, but it refers to the principle now under discussion. It is something you absolutely need to bring and begin to cultivate.

 

Like a sense of proportion, kairological sensitivity isn’t the sort of thing one is born with. The truth is, one can begin to pay attention to it and cultivate it only after it’s been pointed-out and given a name. In a way, the sense of timeliness is directly related to patience, but really it is most directly related to one’s powers of discernment and judgment generally. Developing kairological sensitivity takes time. It requires lots of time to develop and mature.

 

And it’s worth taking seriously. This is the sense that will save your backside when an unsettled doubt has left you wondering whether or not to do something. You might with good reason believe that D is the right thing to do, or that it would be permissible to do D, or that it would be not-impermissible to do D. The next question ought to be Is now the proper time, circumstance, or occasion to do D? An action might be right (or: not wrong), but knowing so for certain isn’t easy. When you’re very unsure, be patient, and ask: Even if I did know for sure whether this is the right thing to do, am I sure also that this is the right time to do it?

 

Develop the habit of asking about the timeliness of an action or undertaking.

 

Remember, the word ‘campus’ comes from and is the Latin word for ‘field.’ We’ve written this with an eye to the undergraduate embarking for school. Insofar as all of us are growing, changing, and learning, we hope the relevance and reach of these observations are as wide as the campus of life is broad.

 

* All images in this article from Pinterest.

What does your bag say about you?

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Monday, 21 August 2017

In Defense of the Bow Tie

Your Finest Hour: Where To Wear Your Bow

where to wear a bow tie

If the necktie resembles a noose, does the bow tie make one’s throat a present?

For some people, the bow tie is in the same category as the novelty tie, or what’s worse the gimmicky tie. But the bow tie is neither. Don’t think of this tie as a bow affixed to the top of a man’s shirt. Think of it as a short cravat tied into a bow. The Gestalt-shift isn’t semantic merely. What we call a “bow tie” is the descendant of a style of neckwear once worn by Croatian mercenaries for practical purposes: it served as a fastener, keeping closed the collars of their shirts, and was more like a short scarf than foppy ornament. The bow we know resulted from subsequent innovation (by French fashionistas) with how best to tie this short scarf. Its prominence on the collar and being in front of both the shirt and jacket recommended it for playful experimentation. Knot and bow became flourishes, and soon form superseded function.

 

before the bow tie: the exaggerated bow of the cravat

The road to the contemporary bow tie passed through here: the cravat worn less like a short scarf and tied into a broad, accentuated bow.

 

Knot What It Used To Be

It depends on who one asks, and the data are ambiguous, but it seems that the bow tie is creeping back towards becoming a staple article in a man’s tie collection. Bow ties continue to appeal in large part to men concerned less with “the whirligig of taste” and more with self-expression, but the bow is certainly back in vogue. When actor Matt Smith took on the role of Dr. Who, British broadsheet The Daily Telegraph reported a sudden uptick in the sale of bow ties. We suspect the same thing happens each time a new James Bond film is released, and we predict that it will happen when Gary Oldman takes to the screen as Winston Churchill.

 

WE WILL WEAR THEM ON THE BEACHES: Gary Oldman as Churchill. Image: Filmslash

 

Some say that the bow tie points backward to a time when men were better-dressed. It is perhaps more accurate to see the bow tie as cut from the cloth of an era in which men were attentive to accepted norms for “appropriate clothing” and sensitive to the nuances of occasion. Bow ties were more commonplace when men wore hats as a matter of course (and promptly removed them when entering most buildings) and when gentlemen wore t-shirts as undergarments only. Gone it seems are the days when the average guy grasped intuitively the notion of situationally-appropriate apparel and role-appropriate costume. By the time office dress codes had relaxed into virtual non-existence (and bank tellers ceased dressing like people you can trust to handle your money), the very idea of a role-appropriate costume had gone out the scuppers. The tail of populism has been wagging the dog of propriety rather fiercely since the ’70s, and poor Fido is clearly benumbed.

 

The bow tie’s best chance of returning to its rightful place on the tie rack lies not with Dr. Who, Winston Churchill, James Bond, or Bill Nye. It lies with men becoming comfortable again with alternating thoughtfully but without anxiety between neckties and bow ties.

 

In our century, the bow tie enables a man to distinguish himself as different, but whether this is a good or bad thing depends mainly on why the man in question feels the need to distinguish himself at all. Worn well, though, a bow tie can make a man more memorable, and suggest that he lacks neither self-possession nor confidence — two things always attractive and never out of style.

 

AULD SCHOOL: Few men wear a bow tie as well or consistently dress as smart as Scottish philosopher and best-selling novelist Professor Alexander McCall-Smith, whose fine bow ties (and suits, and hats) have become a part of his public image.

 

It is true, too, that some men are so uniquely partial to bow ties that their bow ties have become the signature elements of their ensemble. For such wearers the bow tie is emblematic — and that’s the way these men like it.  For the average man, the semi-strategic use of the bow tie as a device to establish a trademark look is something of a double-edged sword. We who regularly wear bow ties now and then wish to enjoy the bow tie option without being labeled “the bow tie guy.”  

 

Why? Because “the bow tie guy” is often taken as a representative of a type. A bow tie is hardly the mark of individuality if it reduces a man to a one-liner or a trope.

 

The Rat Pack and Other Animals

Here’s the problem. Sinatra and his entourage wore bow ties, and no 007 film is complete without James Bond swaggering into a hotel or casino with a Walther, a bow tie, and a thousand-yard stare. Very cool. There are also a half-dozen or more cartoon characters who wear bow ties — not so cool, and herein lies the rub. It’s one thing for people to see the bow tie as something quaint. It’s another to see the gent who wears one as a caricature of a kind of man, or as a live-action reference to an anthropomorphic cartoon character who is a caricature of a kind of man. It is nothing short of tragic that a man aiming for a bit of Bond or sprinkle of Old Blue Eyes risks hitting Pee Wee Herman or Mr. Peabody. 

 

where to wear a bow tie

ASCOTS & MASCOTS: A reimagined Snagglepuss has lost the drawstring bow and upgraded to an ascot. This particular intersection of the semiotics of style and identity politics has all the subtlety of, well, a pink mountain lion. Heavens to Murgatroyd. Image: Cartoonbrew

 

This situation exists because – when the bow tie went the way of spats, split-bamboo fly rods, and ashtrays in aircraft – some men adopted it just to be different. Things are getting better, though, and no longer is the bow tie either a period-piece or a prop. But the bow tie’s best chance of returning to its rightful place on the tie rack lies not with Dr. Who, Winston Churchill, James Bond, or Bill Nye. It lies with men becoming comfortable again with alternating thoughtfully but without anxiety between neckties and bow ties. This will require more men to wear the bow tie as a kind of tie and not as a quirky punctuation mark on the collar. 

 

Don’t Wear A Bow To Stand-out. Wear It To Be Outstanding.

It is with a friendly fraternal smile that – every year – the custodians of the official National Bow Tie Day website encourage men to mark the day by donning this especially masculine piece of sartorial history. The fact is, discerning men eventually discover for themselves why a bow tie is at times the nicest thing they can do for their shirts, and the sharpest way to make a lasting impression. 

 

Where to Wear a Bow Tie

Insofar as there is a general rule about when to wear a bow tie, it is this: If the event, setting, or occasion is necktie-appropriate, then it is bow tie-appropriate. If you are keen to find a niche environment in which to celebrate your bow tie, however, we recommend the following.

 

SYMPHONIES, OPERAS & THEATER

 

where to wear the bow tie

A classical performance deserves a classic look.

 

Venues for recitals, ballets, and performances of this sort do not typically have dress codes. We wish they did. If you are going to Concert Hall – whether it’s in Aberdeen, Albany, Adelaide, or Anhui – never dress like you’re going for Jello-shots at Hooters. Find a classical performance near you, if only to have an excuse to dress-up and show-off a bow tie.

 

 

WINE-TASTINGS

 

where to wear a bow tie

Bacchus loves boughs, beaus, and bows. Celebrate the verdure of the vineyards with a green butterfly.

Since many people seem to associate bow ties with connoisseurs and scholars, it seems not merely apt but appropriate to wear a bow tie when enjoying the fruits of viniculture.

 

 

DINERS, DIVES & DRIVE-INS

 

where to wear a bow tie

The chrome, vinyl, and grease are waiting for a jukebox hero.

Take your bow tie to a classic eatery. Being a bow it won’t hang into your milkshake or drift onto your hot dog, and by golly that’s just swell.

 

 

BRUNCH

 

where to wear a bow tie

Be worthy of your table-setting and indulge in style.

Now and then a man should do brunch, and one should always dress for brunch. Wearing a bow tie to a top brunch in a nice venue elevates everyone and everything. Wear one of these, and service staff might even tip you.

 

 

When Not to Wear a Bow Tie

There are better and worse ensembles for a bow tie, but there is no general rule regarding when or where not to wear a bow tie. The question When should I not wear a bow tie? does come up, however, and so herewith is our advice:

  • If the occasion is necktie-appropriate, then it is bow tie appropriate.
  • If a necktie is too dressy or too buttoned-up for an occasion, then a bow tie might also be insufficiently informal. It is possible to understate and downplay a necktie more easily than it is a bow tie. If the event is “casual” and the operative phrase in the dress code is “don’t dress-up,” then a cotton or linen necktie with a slack knot can be part of a thoughtfully-assembled but still carefree relaxed look. Even the most laid-back bow tie will require you to have the top button of your shirt buttoned, though; and while that isn’t necessarily a “dressy” look, it is not a relaxed one.
  • If the point of a specific ad hoc dress code is to ensure uniformity or homogeneity – say, a group photo – and the dress code requires men to wear “ties,” then assume that the dress code is calling for neckties. If a bow tie would not be in keeping with the spirit of the code, then it would be inappropriate.
  • If it is expected that mourners will be in black/dark attire, then a dark bow tie might not be inappropriate.

 

There’s a broader point to be made, so we’re going to take a moment to explain. If you wear a bow tie often or regularly, and are comfortable in one, then there is no reason why you cannot strictly observe mourning-etiquette and its color-code while wearing a bow tie.  But if you do not wear a bow tie regularly, and if you would be wearing one as a novelty, then it would not be appropriate to select a bow tie to wear for a funeral or wake. This has nothing to do with the bow tie itself, but rather with your decision to choose to wear something conspicuous to a solemn occasion. It is not the bow that is disrespectful, but rather one’s opting to be showy when one should at such times communicate concern for others. If you are not intuitively sure whether it is appropriate for you, then it is perhaps wisest to err on the side of caution and give the bow tie a pass. 

 

About National Bow Tie Day

National Bow Tie Day was launched by bow tie aficionados to celebrate an article of menswear which – until relatively recently – was a staple of every gentleman’s collection of ties, and not a curiosity or special-occasion accessory. When things were thus, the bow tie hardly needed a commemorative event. The annual occasion is an opportunity to experiment with confidence and impunity, and when it comes around we hope you will carpe this diem and carp about bow ties. Chin up. Tie one on. Bow to none.

 

Begin your experiment or add to your collection.

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Friday, 18 August 2017

NEW FLAMES: CHOOSING THE BEST LIGHTER

If You’re Going To Let Sparks Fly, Do It Right

 

Zippo with Swarovski crystals.

Blinged-out Zippo with Swarovski crystal ($37.95).

 

 

Taking Lighters. Seriously.

We’ll leave it to you decide whether or not you should carry a lighter, a question we’ve addressed elsewhere. Assuming that you carry one already, or have for whatever reason resolved to start carrying one, let’s get down to brass tacks about which lighter should a man carry.

 

  • If you are going to carry a lighter, either for personal use or for occasions of opportunity, carry the best one you can comfortably afford to lose. If you are not already long accustomed to having a lighter in your pocket, there’s a good chance you’ll quickly lose the first one you start carrying.

 

  • As with watches, there’s no need to spend more than is necessary to have a lighter that works well and functions reliably. Zippo is to lighters what Timex is to watches, and a man never goes wrong with either brand so long as he sticks to traditional models. A sturdy, conventional, everyday-use Timex wristwatch should not cost more than $50; a sturdy, conventional, every-day use Zippo: $15. Unless you intend to go significantly upmarket, stick with Zippos, which have a lifetime replace/repair guarantee.

 

  • If you take seriously your accessorizing – so much so that you switch watches and even your pens to match your look du jour – then why not have a small collection of quality accessory-lighters from which to choose? But then again, if you’re both a smoker and the kind of man who coordinates pens and watches with his ensemble, you probably didn’t to be told this. On the other hand, just as simpler men with fewer pretensions have a watch, so too do some men prefer to have a lighter. There’s something admirable and perhaps even honorable about this.

 

S T Dupont in lacquer

ST Dupont in blue Chinese lacquer: $1300.

  • If you’re leaning towards something slim and classy, then designer-brand butane lighters are more elegant than lighters which use fluid.

 

  • A specific advantage of better butane lighters is they generally allow the user to adjust the height of the flame.

 

 

  • If you’re in formal attire and will be sparking-up at a posh event or venue, be it out on the veranda or in the cigar bar, a classy but not blingy butane lighter is the lighter to brandish. If it’s black-tie, a heritage-collection Ronson or ST Dupont butane lighter is a sensational functional accessory.

 

  • If you’re looking specifically for an all-terrain, hard-wearing “survival” lighter rather than something elegant for the lobby bar, clubroom, or waistcoat pocket, you might still end up with either a Zippo or a Bic disposable. The survival lighter is a topic in its own right, and I agree with the counsel from the folks at Survival-Mastery. Whichever you choose, stay clear of lighters with fussy parts and complicated components. Never buy a lighter (or anything else) described as “tactical.” If the best value-proposition marketing could come up with was that it’s “tactical,” it’s probably not worth having.

 

In days past, I’d have explained that soft-flame butane lighters are best for indoor use and fluid lighters are more appropriate for outdoor use, but for two reasons this no longer holds. First, those of us who smoke are now limited to smoking outdoors, and so the finer points of this rationale no longer apply in quite the same way. Second, a “torch” lighter is better wherever your flame is in competition with the wind — more about this below.

 

Soft-flame vs Torch: Cigarettes, Cigars, and Cappuccinos

Note that while traditional “soft-flame” (normal-flame) lighters can be used to light cigars, a cigar lighter is a specific kind of tool in its own right. Torch, jet, or turbo lighters (they’re the same thing) are the preferred lighters for cigars, which smoke best when they’ve been toasted, scorched, and coaxed into burning true. Torch lighters deliver an intense hi-temperature jet of flame, and for that reason are well-suited to outdoor and off-grid activities — and, by the way, to caramelizing sugar on the foam of cappuccinos and lattes.  Whereas a Zippo is relatively “windproof” in virtue of its design, the flame and flame-delivery system of a turbo lighter is much more element-resistant. If you’re a sportsman or keep a bug-out bag, go turbo. Just remember that torch lighters are unloved by the TSA, and are not permitted in either carry-on or checked baggage. Bear in mind that turbo/jet/torch lighters do expend fuel at a higher rate than soft-flame gas lighters.

 

The blue pinprick of Hadeslike heat from a torch lighter is too much for cigarettes, however: the needle of flame can slice into and burn the cigarette paper before you’ve lit the tobacco. If you are using your lighter mainly to light cigarettes, stick with a soft-flame device unless you’re an outdoor sportsman and/or expect to be confronting windy conditions. Though experts disagree, it is my experience that the flame from a turbo lighter is less than ideal for lighting pipe tobacco.

 

 

Smoke-signals: What Does Your Lighter Say About You?

Cigarette smoking is a filthy, disgusting habit, which is why I limit myself to no more than one pack of cigarettes per day — Nat Sherman’s in this hemisphere and Double Happiness (hongshuangxi 红双喜) when in Shanghai. Whether those who look upon me with contempt think even less of me when I spark-up with a two buck Bic rather than a $20 dollar Zippo, I do not know. It could go either way.

 

Bic Mini with case: $10 Else Peretti for Tiffany's: $350, $125

SHELL GAME: The Bic Mini with a shell case ($10), and the Else Peretti for Tiffany’s in sterling silver ($350) and black lacquer ($125).

 

Whatever else the smoke-signal means, a pricey lighter suggests that one has a strong attachment to smoking; and independent of other considerations, this isn’t a good message to broadcast. One charm of the disposable lighter is that it leaves as an open-question the extent and status of one’s addiction: someone planning on quitting, or who smokes occasionally only, wouldn’t likely invest in an expensive lighter. It’s much more difficult to downplay one’s habit or to fib about the strength of it if one has a designer flamethrower.

 

Here, though, is what you should avoid:

 

Avoid sarcastic Zippos and other kitsch flamethrowers

Don’t choose a lighter with text. An attractive quality lighter is itself the statement. Your lighter shouldn’t literally make one.

  • Do not carry or use in public cheap, disposable, or freebie lighters, especially those with convenience store logos or other promotion decals.
  • Unless the lighter was a gift, or has acquired sentimental meaning, avoid carrying anything tacky. Unless you’re going for kitsch and know how to do kitsch right, keep it conventional.
  • There is nothing interesting or witty about a lighter that looks like a handgun. If you insist on having one, don’t take it out of the house.
  • The mini-tool/lighter combo might seem like a swell idea, but it isn’t. The USB/lighter combo is an offense both to data and to fire, and is an abomination.
  • Bic makes and has for a long time made reliable, well-functioning disposable lighters. Bic is as downmarket as you want to go, and here’s the good news: the sturdy reliable classic Bic plastic disposable is at the moment enjoying some retro-cool cachet. There are some surprisingly handsome slipcases/shells available for both standard-sized Bics and Bic minis. I had one in brown faux leather, and because of the $9 shell (Bic’s “Hidez” line), my $2.50 Bic was regularly mistaken for a Bottega Veneta.

 

Since lighting-up attracts mainly negative attention, is smoker-disapproval mitigated if the smoker is using an attractive lighter? When a man’s lighter suggests that he enjoys a generous discretionary income, or indicates that he is style-conscious and detail-oriented, does that redeem him at all for being a cigarette smoker?

 

Dunhill lighters: $750 – $1000. James Bond had ’em. Designed to leave you shaken and stirred (fashionbeans.com).

 

The answer is: It does. At least a little bit.

 

How Much Should I Spend On A Lighter?

This invites the question How much should I spend on a lighter?, and I’ve hinted at some answers already. As with all “How much should I spend?” questions, answers here are circumscribed by how much you have to spend on the thing in question. Given that a cigarette (or cigar) lighter is connected to a bad habit and is therefore guilty by association, spending an outrageous sum on one is perhaps silly. What counts as “outrageous” is of course relative, but I think any figure in excess of $1200 is offensive. For fewer than $500 one can find pre-owned and “vintage” Dunhill butane lighters, while the bottom of the price range for new S T Dupont soft-flame lighters starts just above $200. Prices for both Colibri and Xikar soft-flame lighters start at around $60. Tiffany’s Elsa Peretti “Bean” lighter in black lacquer is $125, in sterling silver $350. If you’re buying online, we recommend shopping with lighterusa. At very least browse their wares — their selection is thrillingly comprehensive and their prices are exceptional.

 

One day I’ll work-out an original algorithm for a plausible watch-to-lighter spend-ratio. It will be normative and slightly arbitrary, but the logarithm on which it will be based will not be devoid of rationale. It will look something like this:

 

If you have spent not more than $100 for your watch, then don’t spend more than $25 for a lighter.

 

  • Up to $500 for your watch, not more than $100 for a lighter.
  • Up to $1000 for your watch, not more than $250 for a lighter.
  • Up to $2500 for your watch, not more than $500 for a lighter.
  • Up to and over $5000 for your watch, no more than $1200 for a lighter.

 

Lighters As Gifts

Not all men will appreciate equally the gift of a good lighter, but few men will be heartbroken to receive one. If you are gifting a lighter to a smoker – and have no qualms about facilitating a bad habit – then apply a variation of the above algorithm in this way: if you could afford to give a man a $100 watch, a $50 lighter is a fine gift; a $500 watch, a $250 lighter. But if you’d give a man a $1000 watch, you do very well by him with the gift of a $500 lighter. Why? Because a man who buys himself a $1000 watch shouldn’t spend more than $250 on his lighter. If he’s got a watch in that league already, then an upgrade to a $500 lighter is thrilling. If he doesn’t already have a $1000 timepiece, give him the damned watch.

 

Choose differently if you’re buying for a non-smoking outdoorsman, or for a non-smoking homebody, and never give a non-smoker a desktop or table lighter. Decorative and antique tabletop lighters can be beautiful, but they are hardly practical: if you’ve ever tried to light a birthday cake with a half-inch flame projecting from the center of a four-pound marble cube, you know what I mean. Choose something modern, elegant, and designed for home candles, the stove, and the fireplace, and do not choose a pocket-lighter such as those featured in this article.

Elyse Walker "Hunting Season" ($350)

“Hunting Season” table lighter by Forward/Elyse Walker ($350) in genuine lizard. This piece of animal-skin sculpture might make a fine paperweight, but is unlikely to be practical for anything except lighting cigarettes and enraging your pals from PETA. Try and light a room full of tea candles with something like this. A lighter that needs to go to the cobbler for cleaning might not be a wise investment.

 

One word further, and a final consideration. I’ve insisted that a man shouldn’t carry a lighter he can’t afford to lose. This maxim is implied by and reflected in the heuristic algorithm above. But to give away one’s lighter can be a great joy, especially when the recipient isn’t expecting a gift and the giver can bear comfortably the replacement-cost. I hasten to add that this is also a fine strategy for making a powerful impression. If sparks are flying, and a prospective new flame whose cigarette you’ve just lit says I love your lighter, consider giving it away. Never give anyone your lighter as a down-payment on anticipated-affection or as compensation for attentions-received, but only as a memento or forget-me-not.

 

Perhaps the beneficiary of your lighter is some poor chap who’s just bummed a light and looks as if he’s received too few good-turns in his life, someone who knows imperfectly the face of genuine and spontaneous benevolence. You’ll know who, and you’ll sense when. Giving your fellow man your $15 Zippo might make a bigger difference than you could imagine.

 

Carrying a no-frills brass Zippo in order to have something lovely and useful to give away might be one of the best reasons for having one.

 

 

THE BURN LIST: INCENDIARY ETIQUETTE

 

Candles: Birthday candles excepted, it is a breach of etiquette for patrons to light or relight the candles at one’s table in a restaurant or cafe. I’ve done so in the past, but wouldn’t do so in the future. Offer your lighter to service staff if they don’t have one to hand.

 

Confidential papers: I’ve seen people burn receipts and notes and other risky ephemera in ashtrays, and it’s never bothered me personally, but it’s neither decorous nor safe to incinerate documents in public — and it looks downright sketchy.

 

Fireworks: Don’t be the guy to detonate recreational ordnance. Loan your lighter, but don’t light the fuse.

 

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